I’m not sure what I really expected from a game called Priest Simulator. Maybe you’d listen to someone’s confession and choose from a drop down list of penances to assign to the sinner? Or you’d officiate a wedding via a minigame where you have to pick the right verses and get the bride and groom’s names right? Maybe rotating a thumbstick to swing that… that brass thing, whatever it is, on a chain, the thing that… like, smoke or steam or incense comes out of it? 

Sorry, I was not raised with religion, haven’t pursued it as an adult, and the last time I was inside a church it was with Father Grigori in Half-Life 2. But even as uninformed as I am, when I imagine a simulation game you play as a priest, it’s not anything like what I see in the trailer for Priest Simulator. It begins with a scary voice loudly declaring “Hell is my playground!” before the priest, in first-person, begins wildly punching the air and sending fireballs into some sort of giant spider perched atop the ruins of a city.

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